Is there anything wrong with Pinot noir and pistachio gelato for dinner?
It is one those days(weeks?!) where I can’t stop questioning anything and I can’t make a decision, whether simple or complex.
I find no comfort in those that I should and find myself so deeply disappointed in people I should NEVER feel that way about.
It’s a struggle to not pack it in, pack it up and move on without leaving a forwarding means of contact. It’s a god damn effort to give a damn and to just stay. But that’s the only option—for now.
As much as my 15 year old rebel wants to run away and disappear, it’s just not that easy anymore. The choice I do have is who to include in this little life of mine…
Some days, I just don’t know how to do it anymore. The awkward pauses and brief glances and crushed silences are too much. The pregnant moments. I miss the footsteps and the familiar smells and redundant days, but I can’t bear the weight right now. I don’t have the strength I once did. I’m tired.
But there is pre-school in the morning. And feisty firefighters. And FEMA grants. And next steps. And a life—happiness—to live fully. We are only what we experience. And it is all necessary—and also a salvation.
Here’s to figuring it out, good or bad. Baby steps, new beginnings or finding the way.
And thanking sweet baby Jesus for a shit ton of sauv blanc.